Oh she's married now...3 Highly Misunderstood Facts about Marriage

How many times have you said that about a recently married friend? Discounting her for events and occasions that you'd usually call her along for...

I have been married now for a little over 6 months and these are some of the things that irk the shit out of me! There are the questions that come with good intentions (which I smile and answer sincerely) but there are also assumptions (which I don't take so kindly to).

Most of society assumes that when a woman becomes a wife- she becomes one half of a whole, she is enjoying her post wedding bliss, she is now dedicated to her husband, she wants to do everything with her husband, everything has to be about the husband, for the husband, with the husband! What happened to the woman as an individual!?!

What marriage feels like sometimes...

Well I have news for you people, married life doesn't change a person. That friend that you grew up with, that girl you used to know, that girl who was always there for you, is STILL that girl! If a person decides to change and changes, maybe they had a reason for doing so, maybe this change is to make themselves a better person. A person with purpose!

Here are my top 3 pet peeves post marriage:

1) Friends don't call because they assume married life is keeping you busy

My kooky friends...old, new and their other halves.
Friendship means you only gain another friend through the chosen life partners.

After marriage, I realize that friends kind of split into 2 groups- those that a) constantly say "oh she got married and got boring" and assume without calling OR b) the friend that occasionally checks in on you and remembers that you are still the same person. 

I'll be honest, I suck at keeping in touch- in general and it has nothing to do with being married. So when I started to hear from the grapevine that I got boring since I got married, it baffled me as to why and how this conundrum happened! I was the same person, I feel like my schedule got busier and I felt like I was doing a hell lot more that before! But then it clicked, I realize this friend was just giving excuses on my behalf. 

So for the friends that do check in on me once in awhile, I'll make the time! Hell, I'll even make dinner! Thanks for at least asking me if I can and not just assuming I can't. One day when I really can't make plans because I got married, I'll be sure to let you know.

L-R: The extremely busy "yogi", the disheveled chef of the night and the initiator of  most meet ups.
Love you ladies!

2) Married life = 1+1, husband goes where the wife goes and vice versa

No, this is so totally untrue! Unless you are another couple where its a 2:2 ratio or the ratios always stay in even numbers. I think the last thing any husband wants to do is sit around listening to girls chat over coffee and cakes about everything under the sun and moon! And the last thing any girl wants to do is sit around with a bunch of guys, drinking beer and watching football. I am fine with my husband doing his man thing and he also respects that I have things that I would prefer to do with my girlies. 

So friends, when you do decide to ask me out, have no fear that my husband will have to tag along unless he is invited. Neither will I breach any boundaries by asking if he is allowed to join us. If you wanted, you would have invited the both of us anyways.

I've known this girl for over 20 years now! Recently we had an opportunity to meet overseas and jumped on it!
Krabi, Feb 2015

Also, married life is lonelier than you think, it seems that the couple are now more reassured in their status that they now have more time to invest in their careers, lives and health. You know that there will be someone to share the fruits of labor in the end but the journey to success is a lonely road, and sometimes having a great support network of friends make it a little easier to bear.

3) Now we're married, let's have kids!

Oh my, where do I begin...I had to start my Chinese New Year Eve family reunion dinner with a huge disclaimer to all present that I was not pregnant, family planning was not yet in the works and for everyone to not ask! I could tell that some were disappointed but I'd rather loudly announce it than have to answer to numerous people in a few short hours.

I know that for a lot of couples, family planning after marriage seems like a natural progression, and it is! But with all due respect, I have different priorities in life. The time in which I will start to slow down and take a breather is drawing near, but until that day comes, I am busting my ass trying to create a future that can accommodate my dream lifestyle. I also have the most curious case of wander lust which seems to be incurable. Despite having served the airs for 8 years and visiting many places, I feel like there is so much more to see and I want to see it all!

All this aside, when the time comes, I will be more than happy to assume my new role in life but until then, I am still me.

L: Attending my oldest best friend wedding in Perth, Oct 2014
Top R: Our couple friends who are now lovely parents
Bottom R: Another friend I have known since 7...

In the end, I know that there are women who really do conform to the stereo typical wife material but please please, all my friends reading this, I haven't reached that stage yet, I'll be more than happy to meet you somewhere for a holiday, be your wing woman in striking off your bucket list and ever happy to just have a coffee and catch up somewhere. I am still me, maybe my priorities have gone from party girl to a more healthy "invest in myself" sort of lifestyle but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the occasional night out on the town or a good catch up with friends. 

I am sure many girls feel the same way. So ladies, pick up your phone and call a married friend! Even if she can't make it, at least you tried and she knows that you care.